Maggie West

The "Big Bang" Theory

The Fourth of July has come and gone.

This past weekend was an exceptionally good one -- for me:

Harvesting Green Hell
Watching fireworks from the driveway
Finished sewing Jeff's Highland shirt (for the weekend of the 19th)

And...

Eating more of Jeff's fabulous cooking.

Judging by the messages I've received regarding my negligence, of late, in reporting on his culinary talents by way of recipes, It's high time I post a few. And as luck would have it, he took the time to include some of this weekend's fare on his website.

It all starts on the grill or in the kitchen (our kitchen) and ends with a bang. Voila!

Enjoy!

I know I did.

"The Incredible Mr. Limpet's" Grill Time

I wish, I wish I were a fish.   - Henry Limpet

Ah, to be handled by the incredible hands of one David Jefferson Bean and transformed into a veritable feast -- what fish could ask for more?

Watching Jeff slave over a hot grill and work his magic is a sight to behold. Apron tied neatly around his waist, tongs and basting brush in hand, plus the unmistakable "I'm gonna pick a fight" look that often paints his face as the creative and experimental juices flow, awe most. And this weekend was no exception.

His grilled masterpiece included onion and garlic kissed burgers, the best damn potato salad ever, corn grilled in the husk, and an awesome fish dish. All for little ol' me and a visiting friend.

With leftovers neatly wrapped for tomorrow's lunch in hand, my friend turns to me and says, "You are so lucky. He's a great cook. Does he have a twin?"

Two Jeffs. TWO Jeffs. Perish the thought.

But, yes, I know I'm one lucky lady.

I Think The Title Has Somethin' To Do With Cracking Nuts ~ Uh ~ I Mean Eggs

As promised, Mr. Bean (or Redneck Rebel Dave to those who know him best, or Green Hell to those who wish they'd never heard of him) has posted one of his latest concoctions.

Yes, we are slackers.

We should be posting more of 'em on a regular basis. But, ya haven't seen him try to recite the ingredients with a mouth full o' food. I can't understand a thing he says.

How am I suppose to write it down?

It's disgusting. It takes months for me to recuperate.

Months later...

Ta da. A new recipe.

The rules are the same as before; prepare the recipe, taste it, and send your comments to my e-mail (maggietwest@aim.com). The comment that Jeff and I like the most will win a free copy of his cookbook upon its completion.

Enjoy.

My Fault, Okay ~ I Admit It!

Yes, I know. I’m behind on posting Dave’s recipes.

The Scots-Irish Southern Chef has made note of it as well. Ain’t he sweet for doin’ that.

Have no fear, my dear readers. I will get caught up and have loads of down home cookin’ posted by next week (okay, maybe not loads, but at least one or two).

Is that enough for right now?

While waiting, take a trip over to Mr. Bean’s website. There’s plenty of great material there to keep everyone busy for a while. Pictures too; with a quite few outstanding captions.

Have fun.

Live a little.

What Do You Mean It Tastes Like Seawater?

Okay...

So I like my martinis verrrrry dirty (that means with a lot of olive juice). Jeff says they taste like seawater. I think they taste awesome.

What does he know?

Well, I guess, quite a bit, but that's neither here nor there.

Let's just get to the point of this post, shall we?

Your first recipe for November starts with -- yes -- olives. It is one of my favorite "food groups." So much so, that I have Jeff, in the kitchen, on a weekly basis, coming up with new recipes that include -- yes again, you guessed it -- lots of olives listed in the ingredients. Poor guy. Everybody grab your miniature violins as you read: "Green Olive Tapenade."

The next time anyone sees him, if he's radiating a greenish glow -- no, he's not turning into The Hulk (though it's entirely in the realm of possibilities) -- it may just be due to all the olives he's ingested.

Enjoy...

And don't forget to let us know what you think.

And The Winner Is...

As promised, Dave and I have gone through the comments made for the recipes posted in September.

Our favorite was submitted by Tim who runs his own website: R.E.A.L.

Tim writes on the "Grilled Peppers":

"I have to tell you that the biggest mistake I made was not making enough. I love the blend of sweet and hot with the soy sauce tang that marinade adds to the Bell and Anaheim peppers. To add the heat to this recipe, I used ripe red jalapeño and Serrano. All in all, I rate this as an excellent side dish and one that I'm gladly adding to my repertoire.

As an added bonus for those of us on Weight Watcher's Flex plan, the substitution of Splenda for sugar makes this into a zero point, ie "eat all you want", side dish."

Thank you, Tim. A copy of Dave's cookbook will be sent to your address once it's completed and published -- I could make him hand deliver each one -- wouldn't that be fun. No promises.

Green Hell's Blackeye Peas

Your taste buds oughtta be hankerin' for another recipe from Green Hell by now. So, I'm obliged to fulfill their request.

Hmmm, hmmm good. Finger lickin' good, I say. Er, okay, someone else said it first -- I say it better, though.

Enjoy.

Blackeye Peas

This is a “Southernized” version of a Turkish dish called Borulce Salatası, which I’ve modified by the most un-Turkish addition of smoked hocks.

2 meaty smoked ham hocks.
8 oz. dry blackeye peas
12 oz. summer squash, sliced.
1 onion, minced
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp oregano or to taste
Salt*

For each serving add: 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, one quarter fresh lemon., salt and pepper.

Soak peas (overnight or quick soak), if desired. Add peas, onion and hocks to Dutch oven or crock pot, with sufficient water to cover. Bring to the boil, skim foam, reduce heat to low, and simmer until peas are tender. Add oregano, lemon juice, and salt.* Remove hocks from peas, let cool, and cut meat from bones. Return to pot. Bring to the boil once more, then add squash. Reduce heat to low, and simmer 5 minutes, or until just crisp-tender. Serve in individual bowls, with extra virgin olive oil and lemon wedges on the side.

* The hocks may provide plenty of salt by themselves, so “taste test” the dish before adding more.

The Rose and The Pepper

As an inhabitant of Green Hell for a mere week, the rose colored glasses have finally come off.

All my readers are probably gasping for air (grab a paper lunch bag, it works for me. Inhale and exhale very slowly); shocked beyond belief; wondering what could possibly have happened to bring forth such a remark; asking: "What? What the hell are you saying? Could it be?"

Yes. It’s true.

I no longer fill in the missing pieces of my thoughts with primrose paths and rays of sickeningly sweet sunshine all day long.

They’re real.

From the moment I wake in the morning, until the time I go to bed at night, the world of "Dave and Maggie" is an engaging, charming, amiable, battle-of-the-wills, swashbuckling coupe de jour. Oddly enough, there are many familiarities surrounding the wee hours of the morning, the haziness of dusk, and the stillness of the nights; nothing feels out of place, awkward, or uncanny (okay, maybe a little uncanny – after all – Jeff is noted for his strange and disturbing personality). Each day our cauldron is stirred with a totally new batch of ingredients intermingled with the "tried and tested" standbys, leaving the subtler qualities of our daily sustenance up to the "winds of change" and Jeff’s ingenuity.

I love it.

This man is no "one-trick pony."

This multi-talented "Southern star" has had me awed since the first day we met. My reverence has categorically increased during this past week. From making jewelry, gardening, cooking, and writing together – everything the man touches turns to gold (Ooooh…visions of ending up as one of Goldfinger’s prey has just entered my mind…hmmm) – nothing is done half-assed or with a "somewhat" attitude. Jeff approaches each endeavor wholeheartedly, with enthusiasm, and such an inexhaustible intellectual capacity, as I have never seen before.

A never-ending smorgasbord of delights.

Believe me, many more depictions of Jeff’s "gifts" and abilities will be the topic of future articles on this website. But for now, let us get to the purpose of this post: His recipes.

This week, the recipe I have selected for your enjoyment:

Grilled Peppers

It must look like I am stuck on the "peppers as an ingredient" part of Jeff's cooking -- okay -- I am.

They're great.

Taste Bud Tantalizer

Okay, Green Hell’s recipe fans, here is this week’s installment:

Marinated Pepper Antipasto (there are two other recipes included with this link. Feel free to give those a try. Your taste buds will thank you for it.)

One would think I’d tire from ingesting this tasty appetizer/side dish – as much as I eat it.

Never!

I could eat it every day. It has become my favorite.

Regardless, surely Jeff is weary of my constant requests to prepare this yummy creation of his  (Awww…too bad. He should have, by no means, ever prepared it in the first place! So, he’s to blame. Yeah, that’s the ticket.). I shouldn’t feel guilty about any cravings – now should I?

Ah, I can hear all the “it can’t be that good” retorts resonating from the computer screen.

Think not – whip up a batch – don’t take my word for it.

As an alternative, I could invite everyone over for a taste testing, but it might “overheat” the cook. No sense in pressing my luck.

So, you’re on your own. 

From Green Hell's Kitchen ~ Short 'n' Sweet

I guess one could say I’m the official taste-tester in Green Hell’s kitchen.

All I can say is, “It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.”

As I sit in a chair, amid the aromatic scents circling the room…

With an air of seriousness, each utensil and ingredient is methodically removed from its hiding place and set on the counter. The ease in which Jeff creates each savory concoction displays his culinary expertise; obviously, the completed dish(es) does as well.

One breathtaking metamorphosis after another…

Mouthwatering, delectable, and lip-smacking-finger-licking good come to mind.

Without further ado…

This week’s recipe for our readers to experiment with and comment on is “Short ‘n’ Sweet”.

Get your taste buds ready – this one will have them doing the Jig.