When is it Love ~ Part Three

Is it any wonder that men and women alike ask the question "When is it Love?" Today, couples separate at an alarming rate -- married or not.

A little over a century ago -- which isn't very long in my opinion; my Indian ancestors have been on this continent for approximately 20,000 years -- a man not only had to win the affections of a woman, but her family's, as well. There was a designated courting period, and most would not endure this tedious process without committing heart and soul and everything in between. What we call "being in love" today was so much more then.

In those days, the majority of the population frowned upon separation; whether it took place during a courtship or later, it was socially unacceptable. In this day and age, the person that we "love" (deliberately placed in quotes) changes as frequently as we buy new furniture. The age-old adage "Out with the old and in with the new" has permeated everything we think, do, and say. That's not to say that there weren't ne'er do wells in those days. There were. But they were scorned, noted as such, and run out of town on a rail.

Back then, a handshake was an irrevocable contract; one's word was his or her bond. Additionally, one's family name and reputation were of the utmost importance: Comprising either blackballed the transgressor personally and professionally. We learned values, principles, and morals, and upheld them to the nth degree. Unions between a men and women were part of this vast and intricate equation.

Unfortunately, today, we learn most lessons from television, radio, our parents and peers. Due to a number of causes, none of these have the answers we seek. One, husbands and wives must both work in order to make a decent living. The time allotted for the coaching and counseling with respect to the lessons of the past is minimal at best. Secondly, fewer than two dozen people own all the media in the United States. Additionally, if one counts their relatives and friends, the numbers remain constant. What better way to present one's personal views as the norm, or even dictate social mores than owning all forms of media? There are more but for the sake of brevity, I'll stop here.

Ergo, the aforementioned do not possess the formula for the proverbial side-by-side rockers on the front porch watching Life's sunset. A stark reality, I know. But, let's face it, we live in a me-oriented society. Without proper guidance, the path of least resistance is the one we'll take every time.

Consequently, let me answer the question posed in When is it Love ~ Part One and When is it Love ~ Part Two: "When will [you] know that it's really love?"

I believe that true love exists. I believe it exists somewhere in between fortitude and commitment; good morals and great standards; and, for good measure, one should mix in a "dash" of compassion, patience, and sincerity. From numerous surveys, I also know that different levels of love exist even in amorous relationships. Each one is a step forward to the next. But if the connection is completely severed at any step, we must go back and start anew.

Understand, by starting over, we trade one set of problems for another. No two people are alike, but we all come with some baggage. A brand new set may seem better, but all get worn and tarnished over time.

C. S. Lewis stated that "[People think] in terms of good and bad, not good, better, and best, or bad, worse and worst." And I must agree. As we stand on the threshold of good and bad in a relationship; we rarely see the better and best on our current course, and the worse or worst that lies in the other.

Last, but certainly not least, love is earned. It is not free for the taking, or giving. It is hard work, disciplined behavior, respect, and constant awareness. It takes time and energy.

I have often heard Andrew Carnegie's quote spoken: "Anything in life worth having is worth working for." But never has it rung so true as when it pertains to love -- the "until death do us part" kind.

So, when is it love?

It is felt long after that first kiss. We find it miles away from the first shared apartment or home. There's no mistaking it, however. It surpasses any and all loves before it. It shines brightest in the faces of those who have it and speak of it often.

It is a wonder to behold and unmistakably extraordinary.

And I'm certain that when we find it, it will not be necessary to pose the question.

 

Email Maggie at maggietwest@aim.com

 

In searching for additonal true love stories, I came across a syndicated article in The Chicago Tribune. It's definitely worth a read or even two.

Comments

[Ken]

Maggie, thanks for the series. I "Loved" it! :-)

I have to say your take here has been a refreshing change from the uber gushy romantic diatribes that just get me all emotional anyway but this one line brings it all home: "And I'm certain that when we find it, it will not be necessary to pose the question."

[Maggie Bean]

You are very welcome, Ken. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

[Ashley Long]

Loved the blogs Maggie.