"Good-bye cruel world. I'm off to join the circus. Gonna be a broken-hearted clown."
~James Darren
How many times have we thought ourselves the fool?
How many times have our hearts been broken?
Many I suspect.
The world is far from perfect, and, as it's often been said, life isn't fair. Unfortunately, there's no changing these two well-known facts. When it comes to matters of the heart, there is no cheating, skipping over, or stealing in the game of life.
Why?
Because we know what we've done, how we've acted; we see the real us; and, regrettably, there's no running away from ourselves. Plus, "a tiger can't change his stripes." Others will eventually discover the truths. Our transgressions have a way of returning and biting us—hard—on the ass. I, along with innumerable others, have no idea how this happens. It simply does.
How we conduct ourselves during a divorce, broken heart, infidelity, or any of the other copious situations with which we're confronted while in relationships is a measure of our character. Forget melodramatic country songs, which purport bashing up cars, "turning the tables," or, in one way or another, getting back at whoever smashed our world to pieces. Forget most of the advice given by concerned family or friends (Some of it warrants our attention, but the majority comes from sympathizing with our situation: The "been there, done that" syndrome). And whose life is it anyway? Ultimately, who answers for the choices made, for the actions taken, and the words spoken? Each one of us does!
If I had a nickel for every time I hear "I'm sorry I did that to her/him," I'd be rich. Hell, even, a penny for all the "I wish I could take it all backs" I hear. And others like:
"Í should've done [that]."
"I should've done [this]."
"I should've kept my mouth shut."
"I shouldn't have…"
"I wish I could go back, I'd do/say things differently."
The conversations I have pertaining to these matters usually begin with: So-and-so said I should this; and I did; what a mistake that was. When are we going to understand that no two relationships are the same? Why? Because, no two people are exactly alike—that's why. What works for one person, doesn't always work for another. Though, I've said this a time or two, there are those who don't quite grasp the concept.
We must follow our own hearts.
Who knows our relationship better than us? Who knows the exact events that have transpired in the past few months or years better than us? How many of us leave out certain variables when telling our quandaries to family or friends: Things of which we're ashamed, things we don't want known, or simple facts that may be distasteful to us or others?
Will following our hearts make us fools? Perhaps. Will we lose our pride? Perhaps. Will we be sorry? There's a chance that we may not. The alternative is, however, certainly not an option if we desire to make amends.
If we do everything within our power to remedy a situation with our loved ones, the outcome, regardless of what transpires, leaves us content with our own actions. Our hearts may still be breaking, but they are also aware of what moral fiber we're made. Not exactly the answer we want, I imagine. But, it makes a huge difference, believe me. And, in all honesty, we may be surprised what acting the fool can accomplish in a relationship. The greatest fools I know are very happy with their lives. Dropping the silly antics and losing a bit of pride does wonders to heal the wounds we've inflicted or that have injured us.
I know a man who, many years ago, could not make things work with his wife. He tells me, "It wasn't anyone's fault. We just couldn't make it work." To this day, he keeps his wife in the lifestyle that they built together all those years ago even though they live apart. In his case, it was a matter of character—of promises made. Is he foolish for doing so? Not to him. He'll earnestly state his reasons for anyone who asks why. To say that this man has immeasurable integrity and principles does not do him justice. He is a successful business man with many solid friendships and another wonderful woman in his life who has accepted him completely and wholeheartedly. It has been so for over twenty years.
And I consider our meeting a blessing. The conversations we have had together have opened my eyes to many things, but most of all it has given us a mutual admiration of one another and the beginnings of a good friendship.
Then, there is a man who hid all his earnings from his wife through eighteen years of marriage, divorced her, and is living "high on the hog" while she returned to work and now lives modestly. There's a woman who writes: My husband cheated on me, so I slept with his best friend. I was hoping he'd feel as I felt—betrayed. But he didn't. Another woman writes: My husband is sleeping with a friend of mine and my friends say to dump his ass. But I love him."
As the years move on, and we look back at our lives, what will we see? How will we feel about what we see?
Joining the circus may, in all likelihood, sound pretty damn good to some. Others may think that retribution should be theirs for the taking. I found, however, that, though, we may not see it, a reckoning does occur. Paybacks come in many forms. How happy does one think another person will be after leaving a trail of heartache and misery behind him or her? Not very.
Think carefully before acting. Allowing revenge to darken our hearts may have the reverse effect. The atonements for our actions lie in the future. And the nature of these are squared solely on our shoulders—no one else's.
"There's a sucker born every minute."
~P.T. Barnum, Barnum and Bailey Circus
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